Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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