Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
