I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
