Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pants are for mortals
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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