I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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