If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
