I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the day after is always just damage control
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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