either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
