He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
