I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
