so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
