I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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