Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
