i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
