So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Screwed.edu
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
