You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
