remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
