Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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