My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
