I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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