Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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