I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
