How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
