Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
