i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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