I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
