Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
