Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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