I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
