You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
