At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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