It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
