it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize