haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
