I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
