this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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