I got chris browned last night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He did a backflip because drugs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
