Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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