the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
