Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
