she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
