My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
