sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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