well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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