weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
