I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
