Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
