Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
