Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
