sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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