Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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