Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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