We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
