Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
