Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
