Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
