I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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