***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
