it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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