Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize