Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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