I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
