Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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