How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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