I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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