That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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