it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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